Cookie Monster

Once upon a time, a group of hungry monsters gathered to compete for a medal that awards them for possessing an enormous junk-food appetite. With cosmic hunger being the qualifying factor, only the toughest, most dangerously in love with cookies has ever been crowned the Cookie Monster. In this competition, only the hungriest survive. It takes a special kind of monster to become the LinkNow Olympic champion of cookie-eating. We urge contestants in this category to hit the brakes on calorie counting because we’ll be measuring their capacity to indulge in copious amounts of sugar—amounts that no sane human has ever attempted.

On Your Mark, Get Set, Eat Cookies (and Doritos…and Mountain Dew)

The Cookie Monster competition will occur on Monday, December 19th, at high noon. One athlete from each participating nation will turn on their webcam, so the judges can get a clear view of their food items before they begin the gorging feast. We know how excited you all are to get started, but we ask that only one athlete goes at a time so we can pay close attention to each spectacle of gluttony. When the timer begins, you must smash the following items in order:

• 12 Oreo cookies from the standard large package
• A small bag of Dorito chips (your flavour of choice)
• Chug one can of Mountain Dew (355 mL)

Since you entered this competition to prove you’re the best cookie monster that has ever lived, we assume you have an inhuman capacity to inhale food at the speed of light. But don’t fret if you fail to achieve the fastest time—you’ll have a chance to win a silver or bronze medal.

The Rise of the Cookie Monster Competition

The LinkNow Olympics is an event of prestige and world-class athletics. Who would believe that a Cookie Monster would belong among the elite Olympians? Not many. But if you dig deep into the history of this event, you discover that cookie eating is a true sport that only the strongest attempt and the most resilient can win. While physical agility isn’t a requirement, mental fortitude and grit are the two markers of a champion who will ascend to the throne of Cookie Monster. In this event, we welcome only those whose stomachs stretch to the depths of the Marianas Trench to participate.